i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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