ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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