I think im going to throw up on grandma
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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