I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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