theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My vagina just clenched in fear
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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