You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
