i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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