I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
