oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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