Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's the barista slut.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
