They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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