After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
