My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
did i walk over a car last night?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
