My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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