I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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