i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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