How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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