So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
