at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
