if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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