listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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