i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
