I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
