Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
