Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
