Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
