But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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