He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
