Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
