That's intense
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
