you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
