my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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