I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
