No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
