How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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