I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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