So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
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Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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