He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
