so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
