life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
