When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
MIDGETS
????
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
