I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
