all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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