my vag is so smooth its legendary
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
