I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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