wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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