He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
