does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
