first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no, he came in my armpit
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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