i permit you to call me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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