I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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