Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
