All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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