mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
