I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
