And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
