Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
