I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
