i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
