flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
