so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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