I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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