I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
