If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
