I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.