i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.