Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.