What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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