the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?