So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
