I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
