Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
