Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
All the doctor said was why
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
