I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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