i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
