he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
